By Justin Wing
Vending machines provide us with a quick snack, and even small forms of satisfaction. However, the School Lunch Program reported an outbreak sweeping across Poston Butte High School.
The recent outbreak is named Vending Machine dependency disorder, or VMdd for short. Symptoms can include,
VMdd can eventually lead to malnutrition, obesity, and a zombie-like trance.
(A students in the Broncozone who seems to have contracted the zombie like trance mentioned in the effects of VMdd; Picture taken at 10:12 AM)
The Poston Butte Admin team labels this as a Class S disorder, meaning that VMdd is easy to get, and it makes the use of vending machines highly addicting.The school is showing obvious signs of this outbreak as vending machines tend to be empty by 4th period.
Ima Dicted, a senior, was asked about what she thought about the recent outbreak, but only responded with tiny mutterings and the occasional glance towards the vending machines behind me.
The school has taken action to prevent VMdd from spreading by setting up times and curfews to limit vending machine use. This turned out to be a catastrophic failure as profits from these services plummeted. The low profits ended up giving the school reason to install new vending machines, which ended up skyrocketing VMdd exposure as students used the vending machines during critical instructional time,
Students were even caught wandering the halls like mindless zombies muttering, “Need vending machines” and “Vending machine good, teachers bad.”
Awareness campaigns have been setup to reduce the use and over dependency of vending machines, prompting students to have to sit through 10 minute lectures about nutrition and the effects of VMdd every single day.
Vending machines have taken the idea of addiction to new highs, and despite the campaigns to raise awareness about nutrition and the banning of use of the vending machines have filled the school, students have ignored these warnings and continued to use vending services. This outbreak may not be eradicated from Poston Butte for years, and it might even spread beyond the school. The only thing we can do now, is wait for all of this to end.
Justin Wing is a freshman and our satire columnist.