By Justin Wing
A Crowded Bronco zone... (Photo provided by Sharon Fonzo)
Traffic control is needed on the roads and definitely 30,000 feet up in the sky, but one place it is lacking are the hallways of Poston Butte. The Poston Butte hallways are seriously crowded and the Poston Butte Admin Team have decided to implement an unusual, but sensible decision.
Upon return from Spring Break , Poston Butte’s hallways will be serviced by a new traffic management team much like ADOT. Poston Butte Department of Traffic (PBDOT) will consist of 21 members in every hallway controlling the flow of student traffic. The school is also installing a set of signal lights to further improve the flow in between hallways, the Bronco Zone, and cafeteria. Because of the traffic lights, an extra 5 minutes have been added to passing period times so students don’t get caught up in jams. However, the extra time added to passing periods will be taken out of the time put into Celebration/Remediation. Celebration/Remediation is temporarily canceled until student traffic becomes manageable.
The Poston Butte Admin team made a short statement about this, only saying, “We hope that these traffic lights will decrease the amount of injuries and conflict in the hallways due to overcrowding.”
Sna iL, a senior, commented on this development saying, “I don’t see what the big problem is, I’ve been roaming these hallways since my freshman year, and I get no complaints. The only problem is when people cut me off in the hallways; I’m constantly cut off by people behind me.”
The traffic lights will also be followed by a 3 lane system, with incoming students on the right, and outgoing students on the left. The middle lane is for the students who have to turn into classrooms on the left hand side. The halls of Poston Butte are now turned into a highway system. The Admin team are even calling it the Route 66 of hallways, and how it will be, “The best hallway traffic system the world of education will has ever seen.” Insurance companies are even selling “Student Body Insurance” just in case “students suffer a major collision with another student.”
PBDOT has plans to set up a hallway patrol group called Poston Butte Highway Patrol Division (PBHPD), as an added new form of revenue. Thes division will implement fines for traffic violations to pay for the maintenance of hallway traffic systems, school supplies, and to pay PBDOT and PBHPD employees. Despite warnings from other school officials that this might disrupt the education process, the school’s Admin team have decided to push ahead with the plan, as the system will be up and running the first day back from Spring Break.
The school is obviously committed to this, and probably will be for a long time. The estimated cost of the traffic system in Poston will be approximately $50,000… With the halls looking more like Hunt Highway instead of just any old highway, who knows, maybe the students might trade their shoes out for wheels.
Justin Wing is a freshman and our satire columnist.